Royal Rumble 2017

Yes, I have hopped onto the bandwagon of WWE lovers! Though I doubt there are many left after the horrendous display Sunday/Monday of this week…

For the past two years I’ve been watching various kinds of wrestling with Stephen and I’ve always enjoyed it but it’s only over the past few months that I’ve begun to understand it properly and become an actual fan (I’ve had Bobby Roode’s entrance song in my head for a week now).  I’m not one of those that fangirl over the muscly men in little pants, I do enjoy the little pants but that’s not my point.


This post here is for me to rant about how terrible this years Royal Rumble was, as we are in the UK we started watching the live stream of the pre-show at 10pm and the whole thing finished at around 4am. So having kept myself awake for five hours in anticipation of that exciting number 30 spot and it being given to ROMAN FUCKIN REIGNS I was unreasonably angry. However my Tweets were quite tame compared to some of the responses I have compiled to show you!


Six Woman Tag Team Match – Becky Lynch, Nicki Bella and Naomi vs Alexa Bliss, Mickie James and Natalya. Which of course lasted under 10 minutes as women’s matches usually do. Naomi pinned Alexa for the win. I have an irrational hatred for Alexa Bliss so I tried to watch without frothing at the mouth like a rabid hyena.


WWE Raw Tag Team Championship – Cesaro and Sheamus was defeated by Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson. Anderson pinned Cesaro for the win.


Nia Jax defeated Sasha Banks, unsurprisingly in about 5 minutes, in a singles match for no title. It was painful to watch.



Preliminary Matches

Charlotte Flair defeated Bayley for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship, which again only just lasted over 10 minutes. I am not a Charlotte fan at all by any means but it was SUCH A GOOD FIGHT!!! Much more of an even fight than Sasha Banks against Nia Jax.


Kevin Owens defeated Roman Reigns for the WWE Universal Championship in a no disqualifications match with Chris Jericho dangling from above in a shark cage to stop him interfering, however it did not stop Braun Strowman! My heart was pounding the entire time, I was fully expecting Jericho to bust out of the cage and get involved.


Neville defeated Rich Swann for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. Not gonna lie, sat scrolling through Twitter during this match, bit of a yawn but it helped that Neville looks a bit like Dobby the House Elf from Harry Potter.


John Cena defeated AJ Styles for the WWE Championship. AJ is an incredibly talented athlete and even though his mom hair stops him from looking cool most of the time, it was a very even match the entire way through before Cena won using two Attitude Adjustments before the pin. In my opinion AJ deserved the win but eh.



Main Event – Royal Rumble Entrant List

  1. Big Cass – Eliminated by Braun Strowman
  2. Chris Jericho – Eliminated by Roman Reigns
  3. Kalisto – Eliminated by Braun Strowman
  4. Mojo Rawley – Eliminated by Braun Strowman
  5. Jack Gallagher – Eliminated by Mark Henry
  6. Mark Henry – Eliminated by Braun Strowman
  7. Braun Strowman – Eliminated by Baron Corbin
  8. Sami Zayn – Eliminated by The Undertaker
  9. Big Show – Eliminated by Braun Strowman
  10. Tye Dillinger – Eliminated by Braun Strowman
  11. James Ellsworth – Eliminated by Braun Strowman
  12. Dean Ambrose – Eliminated by Brock Lesnar
  13. Baron Corbin – Eliminated by The Undertaker
  14. Kofi Kingston – Eliminated by Cesaro
  15. The Miz  Eliminated by The Undertaker
  16. Sheamus – Eliminated by Chris Jericho
  17. Big E – Eliminated by both Sheamus and Cesaro
  18. Rusev – Eliminated by Goldberg
  19. Cesaro – Eliminated by Chris Jericho
  20. Xavier Woods – Eliminated by Sheamus
  21. Bray Wyatt – Eliminated by Roman Reigns
  22. Apollo Crews – Eliminated by Luke Harper
  23. Randy Orton – Won.
  24. Dolph Ziggler – Eliminated by Brock Lesnar
  25. Luke Harper – Eliminated by Goldberg
  26. Brock Lesnar – Eliminated by Goldberg
  27. Enzo Amore – Eliminated by Brock Lesnar
  28. Goldberg – Eliminated by The Undertaker
  29. The Undertaker – Eliminated by Roman Reigns
  30. Roman Reigns – Eliminated by Randy Orton


The whole Rumble could have been salvaged if Bray (Bae) Wyatt had swung the win BUT NO this ‘new era’ of wrestling couldn’t possibly have anyone win but Randy Orton. The only reason not many people were mad about Orton’s win was because it was overshadowed with the pure anger most viewers felt when they realised the thirtieth entrant to the Rumble was Snoreman Reigns. Even if he turns full heel and becomes a WWE villain we still probably won’t care.

My (shortened) list of complaints are as follows;

  • WHY was Roman Reigns was allowed to take part in the Rumble considering he fought for the Universal Championship in the same night????
  • Chris Jericho went in at the number 2 slot and spent about an hour in the Rumble but spent most of the event sat outside the ring. But wouldn’t you if you were facing Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, Baron Corbin and Braun Strowman?!
  • The lack of Shinsuke Nakamura and Finn Balor however I am forgiving as they are both currently injured.
  • The Undertaker was eliminated by ROMAN FUKIN REIGNS!!!! Steam came out of my ears.



The redeeming factors were;

  • Tye Dillinger coming in at 10.
  • James Ellsworth being his usual daft self getting conned into facing Braun Strowman by Dean Ambrose (angel).
  • Charlotte’s creepy bloody mouth smile.
  • Sami Zayn was in for 47 minutes and was looking likely to become the champ.
  • Jack Gallagher doing a Mary Poppins with his umbrella.


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